Simply Lujayn.......

Will I Ever Learn?

2009-11-14T22:33:00.002+04:00

I have warned my friends and family to shoot me if I ever say I am going to take the metro again! I never learn!!!! My latest story on the metro? The RTA closed down half the metro line cause of a technical mishap. But hey, did they bother to tell the buses coming to the metro station to warn people not to get on the bus to the station? No! You had to arrive at the station to be told, sorry, no metro today. However, if I wanted, there was a metro feeder bus that would drive me almost 25 kilometers to the first station that was working! Which was actually only about 5 kilometers from my destination! So I took a taxi back home, got my car and drove downtown like I should have done in the first place!

Oh well, one more for the RTA complaints log! Last time I get on the metro, I promise!

Syria's Draft Civil Status Law

2009-06-14T10:36:00.000+04:00

Is it April Fools again so soon? Because other than pulling a practical joke on us, I cant for the life of me understand what the drafters of Syria’s new Civil Status Law were thinking!!!! A commentator on Syria News summed it up so well:

ع الهوارة الهوارة قانون كله مسخرة الناس بتمشي لقدام و نحن منرجع لورا

US Senators press Obama on 'risk' for Israel

2009-05-21T13:50:00.001+04:00

I always find it laughable how the argument is made that the Arab region, in general, and Palestinians, in particular, prove their worth as a counterpart in “peace” before any “peace” overtures are made. The argument basically goes: I (Israel) come out of nowhere, take your land, label it a Jewish state, make you into either a prisoner or a refugee, and strangle you in every which way possible, but you need to prove to me that you’re worthy of my “peace”. I can’t but think, shove your “peace”.

76 US Senators pressed Obama to “take into account the risks Israel will face in any peace agreement". Yes, the risk of acting in accordance with international law is quite the biggie! Heaven forbid Israel face that risk. Or the risk of acknowledging its appalling human rights record. Or the risk of admitting it has recently celebrated its 61st birthday as a racist violent hypocritical shameless usurper of other peoples’ people and livelihoods to applause from the entire “civilized” world.

In a press release written to Obama, the venerable senators state that "everyone in the region has a stake in the success of these negotiations and should contribute to a lasting and comprehensive resolution.” Except everyone doesn’t include Israel, of course. But then again, they couldn’t say that in the press release, could they? What they meant was everyone but Israel should contribute to a lasting and comprehensive resolution. Israel, meanwhile, could continue to occupy and confiscate homes and land, disregard Palestinian basic human rights, ignore international law, and basically dictate US foreign policy towards the region in a way that serves Israel in the first and last degree. And most importantly, act the victim, even when not needed or applicable, just in case anyone managed to put aside their historical guilt towards the Jewish people for even one second d to consider the realities of Israel’s policies towards the real victims in this particular case. Otherwise the risk would be too big for the US’ long-term ally and friend in the region. With friends like that ….

Christians in the Middle East Decreasing

2009-05-13T14:30:00.000+04:00

While I agree that our numbers in the region are falling, the Christians in the Arab world are not immigrating in any larger number than their Muslim compatriots. Yes, there may be a perceived sense of fear and alienation among Christians in some countries but that sense of fear and alienation afflicts other communities in those countries. While Western media report a mass Christian exodus from Iraq, nobody mentions the Muslim-affiliation of millions of other Iraqis that have left the country. In areas where there are no conflicts, some Christians do immigrate because they feel they may not be safe in the future, but their numbers are matched by Muslims who also immigrate for the same or other reasons. While the Western media fails to report on their exit from the Arab world, Muslim immigrants in the West become regular features in the newspapers as either suspect terrorists or communities unable to integrate. On the other hand, Christian Arabs are no longer a headline once they exit the Arab world.

But I digress. I believe the real reason for our falling numbers is actually birth rates (but that’s not such a sensational newspaper topic). It is a problem, for sure, but it can’t be pinned on the politics of the region or Islam. I can’t back up my argument with statistical data, but anecdotal evidence from observing my community indicates that Christian families have smaller families. Few in my extended family among the younger generation have more than two children. I figured this may be the case among city dwellers, in general, but then again my husband comes from a village in Syria and there too few among the younger generation in his family have more than two children.

This is a problem that has no solution, I am afraid. And one that will continue to bring down our numbers in proportion to the general population and eventually render us a fraction of a fraction.

Citizenship and Personal Beliefs

2009-04-05T10:20:00.002+04:00

My citizenship and the protection of my civil rights should not be conditional upon my belief in a monotheistic God or seven or a continuum of prophets or none at all. I do not understand the correlation between religious beliefs and citizenship that plagues most of the Arab world, and in this one particular instance, Egypt. A columnist for a state-run Egyptian newspaper states on a talk show program that a Baha’i leader should be killed and surprise surprise, he doesn’t lose his job. Why? Because he is the mouthpiece of a government that persecutes its citizens for their religious beliefs. Is it too much to ask for a government that protects its citizens? For a government that provides its citizens with basic civil rights? Am I being naïve?

Our societies are rife with bigotry – I myself have friends and family who are bigots at times. But their bigotry should not be condoned by my government, nor should their ignorance be tolerated when it infringes on the civil rights of other citizens. That ignoramus so-called writer should be fired immediately and the police that stood by while a group of similarly ignorant idiots attacked the houses of Baha’is, sent for proper training as to their roles and duties as enforcers of the law.

The Big 4-0

2009-04-02T12:13:00.002+04:00

I went to bed last night 39 years old and woke up this morning a decade older.

Everyone that says life starts at 40 is lying or deluding themselves. 40 is not the new 30. Its 40, and it doesn’t get better.

I hate 40.

Forgive us our intolerance

2009-02-22T10:35:00.002+04:00

I am furious each time I hear a Jewish family has been driven from its home in the Arab world to Israel as a result of intimidation and oppression. For thousands of years, Jews have lived in these lands only to be forced out now by bigotry and prejudice. What on earth do we gain? I cannot ask that question enough!! Why can we not understand that our diversity is what makes us a durable culture. Without it, we become isolated and stagnant. Without these Jews, we are poorer. Said Ben Yisrael, a combination of names that is a tribute to our rich and shared history yet one we don’t want to hear in our midst. Said, a name shared by Jews, Christians and Muslims alike, yet one we want to appropriate for ourselves. A name we believe Jews should not share. A home Jews should not live in. A country Jews should not be citizens of.

Said, I am sorry and ashamed. You have as much right as I do to this land, yet you have had to leave. You are not an Israeli. You are a Yemeni, a Syrian, an Egyptian, an Iraqi, a Libyan, an Algerian, and will remain one to the day I die.

The Gaza Anthem!

2009-01-08T18:58:00.003+04:00

Thank you Rime for sharing this amazing anthem!

We will not go down

Play it loud, chant it everywhere, let the world know that Palestine will not go down !

Please spread it, embed it when you can, and let YouTube and the entire world hear that we will not go down !

"We will not go down (Song for Gaza)" - composed and performed by the extremely talented Michael Heart.

WE WILL NOT GO DOWN (Song for Gaza)
(Composed by Michael Heart)
Copyright 2009

A blinding flash of white light
Lit up the sky over Gaza tonight
People running for cover
Not knowing whether they’re dead or alive

They came with their tanks and their planes
With ravaging fiery flames
And nothing remains
Just a voice rising up in the smoky haze

We will not go down
In the night, without a fight
You can burn up our mosques and our homes and our schools
But our spirit will never die
We will not go down
In Gaza tonight

Women and children alike
Murdered and massacred night after night
While the so-called leaders of countries afar
Debated on who’s wrong or right

But their powerless words were in vain
And the bombs fell down like acid rain
But through the tears and the blood and the pain
You can still hear that voice through the smoky haze

We will not go down
In the night, without a fight
You can burn up our mosques and our homes and our schools
But our spirit will never die
We will not go down
In Gaza tonight

Cheney's Gems

2009-01-05T12:35:00.000+04:00

Asked whether sending troops into Gaza was a mistake, US vice president Dick Cheney, yet again another poor excuse for a human being, replied that "it's important to remember who the enemy is here," adding, "You haven't had a conflict between two UN charter-member states, you've got a UN member state being attacked by a terrorist organization." Cheney conveniently forgets that his country has done its best to avoid the creation of Palestine as a UN member state, and also its best to support one UN member state in ignoring every UN resolution that calls on it to withdraw from occupied land, etc. Let’s pull the UN out of the bag when it suits us, eh?

The Loss of Faith

2009-01-03T00:36:00.002+04:00

US Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, another poor excuse for a human being, charged that Hamas “"has used Gaza as a launching pad" for firing rockets into the Jewish state and that, as a result, the Palestinians in Gaza have had "a very bad daily life." By the same token, the Jewish state has used Israel as a launching pad for firing rockets into Gaza for a very long time, but the US seems to have forgiven Israel that transgression. In fact, it never registers on the US’ radar that Israel could possibly do any wrong. Shame on them for not caring to look beyond their own interests to see that the Palestinians in Gaza have had a “very bad daily life” as a direct result of Israel strangling their economy, development, livelihood, dreams and even life.

It’s a shame that the US positions itself as a great defender of human rights in the world, making a mockery of that term. Not simply because we are at the receiving end of that hypocrisy, however detrimental that hypocrisy is to our lives, but because the loss of faith in mankind to act morally, justly and ethically is far greater a loss than the loss of life.

Present Day Nazis

2008-12-28T19:17:00.000+04:00

No, I don’t mean those skin-head psychos that spray paint-swastikas on Jewish graves and pledge allegiance to equally psychotic ideologies. I mean the present-day Nazis that are shelling an entire population in Gaza. Who knew that the heirs to the ethnic genocidal policies of the Holocaust would be the Jews themselves? And have they perfected those policies! While the Jews during the Holocaust could appeal to the humanity of people around the world to rise up against the horrific genocide being perpetuated against them and rally to their help, the Israelis of today have basically guaranteed that no similar sense of moral justice will be afforded to the Palestinians, through 50+ years of a campaign to dehumanize and demonize the new victims. The Israelis managed to drive home the belief that the Palestinians are terrorists to a world that is already burdened with the guilt of its anti-Semitic past.

Instead of standing up for justice and humanity as values that would safeguard them and any other people that may fall victim to ethnic genocide in the future, the Israelis decided to make short term gains by capitalizing on their situation and robbing another people of its land, humanity and dignity, forgetting that world is a funny thing and what goes around, comes around. Justice and humanity are far more lasting than current power structures.

"I think I was unprepared for war"

2008-12-02T11:08:00.000+04:00

Now I’m placated – the poor thing didn’t anticipate war. Bush campaigned to be president because he thought the president’s sole responsibility was to throw the opening pitch at the World Series. But war? That falls in the realm of the unexpected when you’re at the helm of a super-power.

Wedding Bells

2008-06-26T15:34:00.000+04:00

In less than a month I’ll walk down the aisle to a new life. In as much as I would have loved to say I’m racing down that aisle with total abandon and joy, I cannot. In fact, I am anxious and tense.

I did post at some point about my fear of change. It has struck again I guess, only this time it is not about a job but a lifetime commitment and it’s far more serious. Not that I don’t want to be married to my wonderful fiancé. He’s a beautiful man and a wonderful friend, and I am blessed that he is in my life. But the thought of becoming part of a new social dynamic fills me with dread. Every time I try to imagine our future together, I start sweating the small stuff: calling a place I have not chosen or grown up in, my new home; becoming part of a new family; rationing my time with my own family because I now have to factor in the in-laws and visiting them; having children that take on a new family name that is foreign to me; calling a new person on mother’s day; attending a whole host of new family member events and occasions; espousing new social protocols and traditions; even adopting new dishes and cuisines.

I am tempted to run back up the aisle and as far away as I can from the institution of marriage. What keeps me walking? I am not sure. Fear of staying in place, maybe.

Eighteen

2008-03-03T16:00:00.003+04:00

My first tag (thank you Syrian Brit)! Actually, my second, but I haven’t responded to that one yet (don’t want to jump ahead in the book I’m attempting to read in between a million commitments and tasks).

Apparently I need to list the rules of this particular tag first, then get on with it, so here goes:

1. Post these rules before presenting your list.

2. List 6 actions or achievements you think every person should accomplish before turning 18.

3. There are no conditions on what can be included on the list.

4. At the end of your blog, choose 6, or less, people to get tagged and list their names.

5. People who are tagged write their own blog entry with their 6 suggestions.

6. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged.

I’m not sure if I should list a wish list of things I should have done before I hit 18, or things I actually did (spontaneously) and in retrospect would recommend to other pre-18 year olds. Maybe both? I’ll just start writing and see where this takes me.

1. Every 18 year old should have had sex. Yeah, yeah, I know, not exactly recommended or popular in our culture, but wouldn’t it have allowed us to move past our frustrated obsession with the opposite sex and our pent-up raging hormones to concentrate on other things? Definitely one for the wish list!

2. Every 18 year old should have lived away from home. I went away to boarding school at the age of 16 and had a blast (discounting the pent up raging hormones of number 1). Contrary to popular belief, I had a blast without comprising on personal responsibility. Basically, while all the kids around me who stayed home were being monitored carefully by their parents, I was far and away, unmonitored and unshackled. However, the fact that my parents trusted me turned me into a good little girl. I did almost nothing that would have worried my parents. I had the utmost freedom to do anything I liked in an environment that was very open, but since I didn’t have anyone to rebel against, I didn’t do any of the usual rebellious things teenagers do. Which brings us back to point number 1: we tend to obsess about things out of our reach. Once in reach, they lose their fascination.

3. Every 18 year old should have travelled and lived among “foreigners”. I came away with an acceptance and appreciation of others at a very early age that I have carried with me ever since. It’s a value that I value a lot.

4. Every 18 year old should have discovered and developed talents that are not school-related. With so much emphasis placed on excelling at school, other aspects of our development are relegated to second place, and sometimes even frowned upon. I tried a lot of things: dance, music, arts, drama, sports. I enjoyed everything, and found myself in a few things that still give me immense pleasure to this day.

5. Every 18 year old should have learnt that their self-worth is not measured by extra-weight they carry around. Definitely one for the wish list. Seems contradictory that I would have had so much fun growing up and still had low self-esteem related to being overweight, but I did. However, I’m not sure what my practical advice on that one would be.

6. Every 18 year old should have had the opportunity to be a kid. This one requires little explanation.

I am going to forgo tag rule number 4. Apparently most bloggers I read have already been tagged with this particular tag.

Significant Human Remains

2008-01-20T11:00:00.000+04:00

I have no doubt that Hassan Nasrallah can claim victory over Israel in the 2006 war on Lebanon, but to boast that he is in possession of Israeli soldier body parts (possibly to barter) is repulsive: “I am not talking about insignificant bodily remains. I tell the Israelis we have heads, hands, legs of your soldiers. We also have a nearly intact cadaver from the head down to the pelvis." Nasrallah would have been much better off burying those body parts, perceived as significant or insignificant, affording them the respect even enemy soldiers should be given in death – even if we believe our enemy does not reciprocate that respect. Honorable men of war should not have to advertise possession of hands and heads.

Whats in a name....

2007-11-29T11:22:00.000+04:00

“What a lot of nonsense! Get the teacher back into the class doing the job she is meant to do. Is it any wonder people dont wish to become involved with them? It has got to the stage everyone is terrified to breathe in case Muslims get upset. It has gone beyond a joke now.”

That’s a comment a reader made in response to an article about Gillian Gibbons, the jailed British teacher in Sudan who was accused of insulting Islam by allowing her students to name a teddy bear “Muhammad”. She faces a punishment of 40 lashes and six-month jail term.

I tend to agree with some of the things this reader has said.

Syria blocks Facebook

2007-11-24T08:15:00.000+04:00

Reuters has published an article on blocking Facebook in Syria - I dont have much to add or say, except to thank God that our youth are now perfectly safe from this evil conduit for Israeli penetration!

Conflict Classes

2007-11-20T11:07:00.000+04:00

Havent blogged for a long while – but thought I should share this. Can’t decide if I should laugh, shake my head in disbelief or cry. In light of the meaningless violence around us, maybe I should do all three.

New Beginnings

2007-08-02T10:18:00.000+04:00

I am not a woman who takes easily to change. I resist it, preferring to stay wherever I am or in whatever mess I’m in, rather than initiate change. I make endless excuses as to why I can’t change or shouldn’t change whatever I am doing, even if I’m utterly miserable in my current state. I don’t know if I can take credit for this last move, since a close friend of mine almost forced me to apply, but I have finally quit my job and I’m moving to a new, more challenging job.

I have been working, more or less, in the same capacity with the same company for almost seven years, and I can safely say, most of it was sheer drudgery. I was bored and miserable, but I was afraid to try something else. I am a great proponent of the “devil you know is better than the devil you don’t” school of thought. Needless to say, lack of self-confidence was a great deterrent to trying new careers and laziness too.

But, I am finally going to jump into the deep end to see whether I can float or maybe even swim. Today is my last day on the job, and I will be starting at the new place in two weeks. I am excited about the prospect of working in another environment and in a different, wider scope. The greater responsibilities and expectations are a bit scary, but I’m trying to focus on how miserable I was in my current job! We all have our own motivational speeches and drivers, eh?

Injustice Righted

2007-07-24T11:32:00.000+04:00

I haven’t been happy about much in the public sphere lately, but the release today of all the Bulgarian medics (now that the Palestinian doctor has also been granted Bulgarian citizenship) in Libya lifted my spirits enormously. The end of a long drawn-out gross injustice to six medics who were made scapegoats for another sad injustice to several hundred Libyan children who were infected with AIDS. I am sorry that it took eight years to finally release them, but we have to thank God for small mercies. This one finally ended happily, at least for the medics. The families of the children and the surviving children themselves will continue to suffer the injustice that was inflicted on them by a negligent healthcare system that failed them and so many more people. I pray that they finally receive the care and the compassion that they rightly deserve.

Facebook rocks!

2007-07-01T11:04:00.000+04:00

The fast-changing world of the Internet has introduced me to facebook - and thats where I have been squirreled away for the past few weeks! But as they say in Arabic, "he who has no old, has no new", so I hope to be back on blogger soon, when the novelty of facebook wears off (and I've found a zillion old friends)!

Self-Preservation

2007-06-12T11:13:00.000+04:00

It happens every once in a while – I go into total shutdown with regards to what is going on around me in the world. I don’t want to know and I do my best not to know. I read a few articles, here and there, but for the most part, I live in my own bubble. I try to survive the traffic, the heat and my work load but block out the killing and destruction afflicting our entire region. I don’t know how else to deal with the frustration and despair I feel.

There appears to be no hope of this region rising above the violence and backwardness. Human beings are like flies, you can swat and kill them by the dozens, without even a thought. It seems only the massacre of over 200 people in one explosion can evoke a reaction from us now, and not a strong one too, probably. But if I think of the possible death of one member of my family, I just cant bear the thought. I would be lost without them, devastated, yet people lose family members every day in Iraq, in Lebanon, in Palestine, and it is as if their pain and loss is worth shit. Memories distorted with grief, futures and dreams erased and a present that is so dark, it is not worth the effort to stay alive.

Immigration seems more and more attractive by the day. In the meantime, my TV is permanently switched on to the Comedy Channel.

Gay Arabs Flock to Israel (not)!

2007-05-16T12:31:00.000+04:00

Now I’m quite used to the preposterous claims Israel makes about itself and its neighbors, but this latest one takes the cake. In an ad campaign launched by the American Jewish Committee’s Boston Chapter in the Boston Globe (starting March 28 and running 11 weeks), Israel is portrayed as a tolerant, nurturing place for Israeli gays and lesbians, and a sanctuary for those gays and lesbians subjected to brutal attacks in other countries in the region.

Granted, Israeli gays and lesbians enjoy certain rights and there is a degree of official tolerance, but the insinuation that the country welcomes them with open arms is far from the truth. Last November’s Gay Pride Parade in Jerusalem, delayed several times already, was called off and staged instead under tight security inside a stadium. Thousands of police were deployed, an observation balloon floated over the center of Jerusalem and a helicopter patrolled the area. Seems the AJC forgot to mention that Israel’s orthodox community, which holds quite a sway over Israeli politics and society, was a teensy, weensy bit opposed to the country’s gay and lesbian community “defiling” the holy land. This year’s Gay Parade in June is expected to receive a similar welcome, with bombs already injuring one person and warning of more to come, and earlier parades witnessed the stabbing of several gay marchers.

That’s not to say the situation for gays and lesbians in neighboring Arab countries is any better. There is no official tolerance for gay and lesbian rights, and the community suffers from widespread homophobia. In fact, homophobia is the only thing that united Jews and Muslims last year, with the Muslim community supporting the anti-gay protests held by the orthodox Jews. However, my point of contention is the AJC’s misconstruction of the truth: gays and lesbians are not as warmly received by Israeli society as the AJC claims and there are certainly no gays and lesbians from the region seeking refuge in Israel.

But as the popular Arabic proverb says, “If you feel no shame, then do as you wish”. Since the AJC’s goal to influence American public opinion surpasses all ethical or factual considerations, I look forward to seeing how else Israel sets itself apart from its neighbors in the next few weeks of the campaign (earlier gems included the only country in the region to uphold the ideals of freedom and equality, and the country’s sole quest since the day it was “founded” to live in peace with its neighbors, continuing to strive (sob, sob) for peace despite the refusal of its “neighbors” the Palestinians to accept peaceful solutions). Damn, I’m so damn proud of them.

FTW 2007

2007-04-23T16:18:00.000+04:00

I didn’t have many expectations before joining the 2007 Follow the Women ride a couple of weeks ago. In fact, I was a bit cynical about the use of cycling as a means of bringing peace to the region and wrote it off as one of those nutty things “foreigners” do. However, being the somewhat nutty person that I am, I decided to join them to find out if there was a point to all of this, after all.

My teammate and I were among the first to arrive in Aleppo (Syria), where the ride was to start. Slowly the place began to fill up, with flights and buses bringing more and more (excited and boisterous) women from all around the world. People on their second or third ride were reuniting with old friends from previous rides while the newbies (myself included) were walking around introducing themselves. I knew many of the women there already through our email exchanges, and it felt like a class reunion. The atmosphere was friendly but not fake. Everyone was genuinely excited to finally be there, after over a year of planning and thousands of emails exchanged. The excitement was infectious and before long I was engaged in some heated discussions about current affairs, politics and social issues (ours and theirs). It didn’t take long for me to shed my cynicism about the purpose of the ride.

Dialogue was king, despite the sometimes seemingly insurmountable differences in our national politics. I realized that if we could talk as individuals, then we sure as hell could talk as nations. Someone mentioned that war was the end of a conversation, and I found that very apt. We weren’t going to change the world, and we weren’t going to bring about the end of all wars, but we could, as women, talk to each other and understand the different perspectives everyone had, and there lay the secret of Follow the Women and its strength.

I realized we are not the only region in crisis, or the only ones to deal with hostility. I never knew the Catalonians had only recently been allowed to learn the Catalan language, and were still struggling for self-rule from modern Spain. The Danes were, meanwhile, apprehensive about coming to the region following the infamous cartoon crisis, a crisis many of us in this region have long forgotten but one that still worried many in Denmark.

Misconceptions were discussed, new perspectives were adopted and we discovered new means for communication: dancing! There are now women who can dance the dabkeh in Scotland, France, Germany, Canada, Algeria, Belgium, Australia, Iran and Morocco, to name a few. The minute the music began, everyone was on their feet, eager to join in the long lines of dabkeh. I loved that! In fact, I cried the first time we danced. It hit me how “girls just want to have fun” everywhere in the world, and that despite our differences, that’s what everyone wanted for themselves and for their families.

Cycling-wise, I had a very difficult time initially. While the biggest hill here is a speed-bump, the terrain in the Middle East is very hilly. I didn’t complete the first two rides, and was quite disappointed. However I finally got the hang of the steep inclines (and declines) and made it to the finishing line every single time (the last person to arrive on most occasions, huffing and puffing and ready to pass out) after that. I felt incredibly strong and realized I was more determined than I gave myself credit for.

I also realized my usual aversion to substandard accommodation and dining vanished when I was enjoying myself. I complained a lot the first few days, but by the end of the trip, I turned down an offer to sleep in a relatively clean bed in order to sleep with my new buddies on dirty mattresses (thank God for sleeping bags) on the floor in a freezing room full of crawling insects (youth camp in Jordan). However, I never got over my aversion for Arabic style bathrooms. In fact, that was the only bad memory of my entire 10-day trip!

So many people, so many stories, so many challenges – I would do it all over again in a heartbeat. Looking forward to FTW 2008!

I want to ride my bicycle…

2007-04-04T09:04:00.000+04:00

Tomorrow I’m leaving my couch-potato status behind to join a few hundred women in cycling across the Middle East! Right now I am not really sure how many of its aims Follow the Women can achieve, but I’ll definitely have an opinion (and tons of pictures) when I get back.

My personal aim, on the other hand, is to not fall off my bike (often?), to make it to the end of the trip (April 6 - 15) and to meet the incredible women who make up the group. Wish me luck!

April 2nd

2007-04-02T15:06:00.000+04:00

When I was a kid, I used to get worked up about my birthday weeks in advance. While my mother discouraged me from announcing my birth date (so that I wouldn’t embarrass anyone into getting me a present), I cared little for social decorum and everyone, I mean everyone, had to know – school friends, family friends, teachers, relatives and neighbors. The fact that my birthday had just missed falling on April Fool's Day was another source of excitement for me and I enjoyed telling everyone that no, I was not an April Fool's baby (hey, I was a kid).

Even though my parents didnt throw us big elaborate birthday parties or anything, the day was very special to me. I was the center of the universe for an entire day (well, actually a few days before and after too) and I loved it. Meanwhile, my parents’ birthdays passed without much ado. They didn’t get as excited as I did when their birthdates approached and I just couldn’t understand: what was wrong with them??? My dad would sometimes even forget it was his birthday, for God’s sake!! Who on earth did that? I concluded they must be bores, big fat bores, that’s what they were.

I have turned into my parents. My 38th birthday has arrived and although I haven’t forgotten it, I couldn’t be bothered to do anything about it. This year there will be no party, no presents, not even a cake (and I LOVE cake). Big fat bore? Maybe. I just don’t feel like celebrating. I may feel differently when my stressful life calms down a bit (or when I reconcile myself to being 38) but for now, the birthday celebrations are on hold! However, birthday wishes are welcomed :))

Sleep Walking

2007-03-26T16:31:00.000+04:00

Now I’ve always had a reputation, since I was a child, for wanting to go out, but I seem to have taken that reputation to a whole new level this weekend when I took a walk outside in my sleep in the middle of the night. Not the first time I have wandered around in my sleep (my last episode was about 18 years ago) but it was the first time I have walked out of the house.

I have no recollection of “getting up” but I do have hazy memories of parts of that night. Since then, I have been trying to piece together the events of my sleep walking episode, which now seems kind of funny but was very, very terrifying then. I must have gotten up and wandered into the living room, but I don’t remember doing that. However, I remember bumping into a coffee table in the living room and knocking over a few candles, and then trying unsuccessfully to put them back in their place. I then blank out completely again until I’m in the corridor outside my flat. It seems I unlocked the door and walked out. I am not sure where I went initially, but the soles of my feet were relatively clean when I finally “woke up” (seeing as I was wandering around barefoot and in my pyjamas) so I most probably didn’t make it outside the building.

A hazy image of the guy who washes the cars downstairs at night is imprinted in my mind, but I am so mortified by the notion that he could have seen me wandering around in my pyjamas acting all weird, that I’m not going to ask him whether I was in fact downstairs or not. I am trying to persuade myself that I could have seen him through the corridor window, after all.

Now, everyone that knows me, knows I have a deep-seated phobia of cockroaches. I remember looking around me, standing in the corridor, to see if there were any cockroaches. My boyfriend pointed out that since my subconscious seems to have kicked in, even in my sleep, to look out for those horrible, horrible monsters, it must also have prevented me from wandering around barefoot outside, seeing as I hate stepping on dirty things! :)))

I think I finally woke up at the sound of the elevator reaching our floor (had I been on it or was someone else coming up at 5 am?). At the elevator “ding”, I found myself at the end of the corridor, aware that I was outside and sure that I shouldn’t be there. I made my way back to the flat, opened the door and walked in. There was my sister, looking terrified. She thought I had gotten up to go to the bathroom, and had finally gotten worried when I never came back to bed. It never occurred to her that I had in fact opened the door and walked out.

I scared the hell out of both of us. We are now taking some preventative measures at home. She locks the door and hides her key, while I put my key (which I need to open the door to leave to work in the morning) under her bed. If I try to reach for it, determined to break out of the house, she’ll wake up since I probably won’t be very light-footed and quiet. In the morning, when I’m “really” awake, I can get my key without disturbing her sleep (poor thing now wakes up every time I turn over, scared that I’m going to take off again).

Needless to say, I’ve gotten my fair share of wisecracks, like the suggestion to sleep with those squeaky kids shoes on so that I can alert everyone to my movements, or to put my bike out in the corridor, so I can get some exercise while I’m at it. Seriously though, I hope that was a one-off incident. I can’t imagine what would have happened had I wandered further off.

Shameful stereotypes

2007-03-11T01:43:00.000+04:00

Typical, I thought when I saw this picture … I dismissed the car's occupants with my usual, "what can you expect, they're Lebanese."

But I found myself eating humble pie when I read further to discover that they actually live in the neighborhood, they haven't come to stare at the local residents, their circumstances are not defined by their “look”, they’ve actually made important contributions to the relief work and I am a damn racist.

Its much easier to slot people into stereotypes – one glance and I know what I'm up against. I don’t have to think, I don’t have to make any effort and I am usually right (or so I think). I dont come across as a typical racist, but then again, there really isnt anything typical, is there?

Citizens of Blogspot

2007-03-08T20:20:00.000+04:00

I pledge allegiance to the Great State of Blogspot, for it has succeeded where our national political and social systems have failed. Blogspot has allowed me to cross socio-religio-economic “fault lines” as Dubai Jazz so aptly called them, and meet someone I never would have met otherwise in real life. You see, Dubai Jazz and I come from “different” parts of Aleppo – you know, those religiously segregated parts that never meet despite being only a few kilometers apart. He hails from one religiously defined neighborhood and I from another. An otherwise seemingly innocent question of which part of town are you from, immediately categorized us along those fault lines.

I might meet Dubai Jazz on the street somewhere in our vast city, but we would never talk, let alone have lunch. Got to thank whoever invented blogging for helping two compatriots discover that not only can they have lunch together, but that they might actually have a lot in common despite living across the great divide. It was great meeting you, Dubai Jazz!

Self-Righteous Indignation

2007-03-03T13:02:00.000+04:00

I seem to have a bad case of self-righteous indignation; the guy that cuts in front of me on the highway gets an earful, the impolite woman who bumps into me at the supermarket without bothering to apologize is called a few names (muttered under my breath), and the loud, pretentious couple at the next table are labeled some very unbecoming names. After six years of living in a multi-cultural society, I have come to the following conclusion: everyone is an uncivilized and arrogant moron.

Or maybe something is wrong with me. What is it that bothers me exactly when someone jumps the line on the highway exit? Is it that I’m going to be late? Is it the fact that I feel like an idiot for queuing for over half an hour, and someone gets through in a minute? Do I secretly want to do the same thing, but don’t want to lose out on the chance to flaunt my indignation at other peoples’ rudeness and idiocy? After all, the anger and resentment I feel when someone does something wrong matches any rudeness on their part.

Maybe I should get over this self-righteous indignation, and jump the queue, bulldoze into someone and walk on, talk at the top of my voice, leave my tray on the table at the food court for the cleaners to pick up, touch the bread at the bread counter with my hands, berate the waiter when my order is late, park across two parking spaces and de-silence my phone, choosing the most annoying ring tone that can be heard five offices down.

I might find myself liberated from a civility that is only surface-deep, or I might find that I do the things I do because they make me feel better about myself, regardless of what others do. You have been warned, rude and arrogant person no. 1,354,698 about to be unleashed on the streets of this city – wish me a safe return, convinced the ways of selfishness and arrogance are not for me and happy to park further away at the mall because all the 4x4s have taken up more than their allotted parking space (after all, its good exercise)! :)))

A blogger after all....

2007-02-25T17:30:00.000+04:00

Blogging, or the lack thereof, is making me miserable. I want to write (still grappling with why I want to write – but the need for virtual approval from others is gaining ground, as is blog-envy) but nothing comes out. Actually, the power of this blog appears to be in the inner workings of my mind in the background – the blog itself seems irrelevant for now. I’ve asked myself a million questions about my creativity, my supposed wit, my interests, my reasons for wanting to join the blogosphere. I guess I am having an existential crisis after all, requisite misery and all. Yipeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Delusional Blogger?

2007-02-08T11:48:00.000+04:00

I browse other peoples' blogs and think, where on earth do they come up with so much to say??

I've been wracking my brain trying to find something to write about - especially since I'm not sure why I started a blog in the first place. Everyone else is doing it, seems to be the only reason I've come up with so far.

I read the papers, I browse the news, I converse with my friends, I argue with my boss, I rant and rave at bad drivers, just like the next blogger. Yet I have nothing to say!! While everyone else is going through existential crises and soul-searching introspection, I feel like the world's biggest bore. Does it take practice to get the hang of blogging? Will I ever say anything that will leave the world of the blogosphere reverbating for a long time to come? Or should I admit I'm being delusional and that I am just not a blogger?